Social media has transformed the way we experience and express loss and grief. For many, it's created a space to grieve more openly, connect with others and find solace in the shared experience. But it can also amplify feelings of overwhelm, blur boundaries and quickly escalate into a toxic platform.

For National Grief Awareness Week (2-8 December 2024), our members discuss how social media is changing the way we grieve and how to safely share your feelings online.

Why we share grief online

Instead of going through our emotions privately, people are increasingly turning to social media to express their grief. Glasgow based registered therapist Nicola Ball says that this is because we want to feel less alone in our sadness.

鈥淒uring times of grief, we want to connect with others. And posting on social media allows us to share our pain. Writing about it can feel easier than speaking about it. It also helps us feel witnessed in our loss - which is a powerful component of the healing process,鈥� explains Nicola.

Registered therapist and counsellor Natasha-Rae Adams agrees and says that announcing the death of a loved one on social media can help protect our emotional boundaries too. 鈥淚鈥檝e seen clients use social media as a protective barrier as they don鈥檛 need to have face-to-face interactions about their loss. They鈥檙e also shielded from managing the emotional responses of others,鈥� shares Natasha-Rae.

Nicola adds that for the many people she helps with grief in her practice, things like sharing stories, photos and reflections online often becomes a form of celebration - which she says can be healing for those that knew them. But sharing grief and loss on social media can also increase feelings guilt and make us feel worse at time when we鈥檙e most vulnerable.

The dangers of sharing grief online

听鈥淪ocial media can provide an idealised standard for what grief 鈥榮hould鈥� look like and creates a pressure to 鈥榩erform鈥� grief in a public forum,鈥� explains Natasha-Rae.

Senior accredited bereavement counsellor says it鈥檚 important to remember that at this time we鈥檙e often very sensitive to what other people say, or don't say, about loss. 鈥淚t can be tempting to ruminate on what has been said by others. If grief is an open wound, social media can increase the risk of that wound becoming infected,鈥� says Sara.

Sara adds that sharing loss online can also invite others to talk about their grief. 鈥淚t might be their feelings about the same person you are grieving, or even their feelings about someone completely different. The griever can feel their own loss is being overlooked, ignored or hi-jacked,鈥� Sara explains.

A common criticism of social media is also that it lacks nuance and doesn鈥檛 take into account the signals we receive when communicating with others in real life.

鈥淲ritten communication is limited and can be misconstrued,鈥� adds Sara. 鈥淪ocial media can be disinhibitory and give people permission to express their worst feelings towards others because they don鈥檛 have to take any responsibility for it.鈥�

听Tips for sharing grief online

Here are our members tips for those navigating their own grief on social media:

  • Do what feels right for you: 鈥淭here鈥檚 no 鈥渞ight way鈥� to grieve,鈥� says Nicola. 鈥淚f sharing memories, stories, or even simple messages to a loved one feels comforting, then go ahead. This is your grief. Only you know what鈥檚 best for you.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Consider your boundaries: Before posting, Nicola suggests that adjusting privacy settings or even turning off comments on personal posts can help you set your boundaries. Sara adds that if you are not up to replying, you can also say something like: "I won't be replying to posts, but I hope to read them. Thank you for understanding."听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
  • Avoid feeling pressured to share everything: Social media can make us feel like we need to lay it all out there. But Nicola suggests that some memories might feel too private or too painful to share publicly. 鈥淚t鈥檚 okay to keep parts of your journey to yourself,鈥� assures Nicola. 鈥淧eople shouldn鈥檛 feel pressured to reveal or 鈥榯o perform鈥� your grief for others,鈥� adds Natasha-Rae.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Don't expect people to understand how you feel: Sara says that it helps to remember that your grief is unique to you. And if you don鈥檛 get the response you鈥檇 like or expected on social media, it doesn't automatically mean that people don't care. Instead, Sarah suggests letting people know what you want from a post - for example, if you want people to share memories.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Don't get caught up in drama: Sara adds that if someone is looking for a reaction, try not to rise to the bait. 鈥淟ikewise, don't dwell on what people say if it's upsetting to you,鈥� says Sara.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听

How to support others

If you are looking to support others who are sharing their grief online, our members suggest the following:

  • Keep it simple: Nicola Ball says that a heartfelt message like 鈥淚鈥檓 here for you鈥� or 鈥渟ending you strength and love鈥� can be very comforting. 鈥淕rief is complex, and sometimes less is more,鈥� suggests Nicola. 鈥淟et the person know you鈥檙e present without overloading them with advice or interpretations.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Avoid clich茅s: Nicola says that phrases like 鈥渢hey鈥檙e in a better place鈥� or 鈥渆verything happens for a reason鈥� can feel dismissive, even if they鈥檙e said with the best of intentions. Instead, Nicola suggests acknowledging their loss and offering your support.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Respect their process: Everyone grieves differently, and Nicola says that social media can make it hard to understand or connect with someone鈥檚 grieving style. 鈥淚f someone鈥檚 posts seem intense or painful, that may be their way of processing,鈥� says Nicola. 鈥淏e there with compassion and openness, and offer support in whatever way they might need.鈥� 鈥淏e mindful that the individual will likely also want some moments of normality in a world that can feel flipped and overturned by grief too,鈥� adds Natasha-Rae.

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