As the fourth instalment of the eagerly anticipated misadventures of Bridget Jones hit the box office on the weekend, fans watched Bridget navigate a new world of dating after the death of her husband, Mark Darcy. Here our therapists share their tips on finding love after loss and whether there鈥檚 ever a 鈥榬ight time鈥�.

鈥�We never get over losing someone we love but we learn to live without them and that can, in time, help you realise you may have some emotional and physical capacity for someone else,鈥� shares .

Guilt is a natural emotion听

Dee says that for some, contemplating finding a new relationship can evoke feelings of deep shame, guilt and even fear. 鈥淭he fear of being disloyal to your deceased partner can genuinely feel that you are cheating on them. There鈥檚 also the fear of other people鈥檚 criticism and rejection from friends and family if you do move on.鈥�

Registered relationship therapist and coach, says guilt is a common but natural emotion following the death of a loved one.听鈥淚n the film, we learn how Mark Darcy died in an accident on a humanitarian project.听 If our partner dies whilst at work or away from home, this can also bring up feelings of rejection and abandonment,鈥� explains Susie. 鈥淔or those left behind, life becomes a series of 鈥榝irsts鈥� without their partner, parent, or friend.鈥澨�

Accredited grief therapist, says that if, like Bridget, you meet and fall in love with someone new it鈥檚 likely that you will experience the complicated business of loving two people at once.听鈥淚t can be helpful to notice that love for the person who has died does not get any less if you find yourself loving someone new. The new person's love comes from a different time and a different part of you,鈥� explains Sara.听

Here are our therapists鈥� tips for finding love after loss:

  1. Take your time

鈥淚f you鈥檝e lost someone you鈥檝e dearly loved, you鈥檒l have a big gap in your life. Many of us long to regain that intimacy and closeness but I鈥檇 suggest that might be a mistake,鈥� shares , an accredited grief therapist. Lulu says that although it鈥檚 tempting to try to fill that gap you need time to grief, to reflect, to remember and to feel. 鈥淚t will of course depend on how your beloved died 鈥� whether it was sudden or not,鈥� she explains.

  1. Consider your motivation听

Dee says it鈥檚 important to be clear about your motivation to start dating again. 鈥淎sk yourself what it is you need right now. Is it a companion, intimacy, just someone for sex and fun but no conscious intention of an emotional relationship developing, or are you ready and would really like love back in your life as a new chapter but never a replacement?鈥�

  1. Ensure you鈥檙e in a strong frame of mind

Although Lulu says it鈥檚 important not to rush getting into a new relationship, it鈥檚 also important to be open and receptive to the idea. 鈥淚f you rush, you鈥檙e likely to choose someone for the wrong reasons - then you鈥檒l have trickier moments when you need to untangle yourself. You need to be in a strong frame of mind to make a wise choice but, also if it turns out that it鈥檚 not as you鈥檇 first thought, you need to be strong enough to change your mind,鈥� shares Lulu. 听

  1. Become your own best friend

Sara says that it鈥檚 vital that you focus on yourself in this phase. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e out and you feel like going home, go home. If you feel like changing your mind about an engagement that's OK too,鈥� says Sara. That said, Sara asserts that you will have to learn to tolerate a bit of discomfort. 鈥淭his can be exciting but it's also stressful and tiring,鈥� she adds. 鈥淵our inner best friend can keep an eye on the balance between these things on your behalf, learn to trust their judgment.鈥澨�

5. Accept that things will never be the same

Sara says that the death of a loved one changes us. 鈥淵ou need to check in with yourself and become curious about what you value, enjoy and want in your life now. Human beings are like plants. We are meant to grow and develop. Get curious about who you are becoming,鈥� says Sara.听

  1. Say yes to invitations and opportunities听

Sara suggests that not only will this widen your social circle and increase your chances of meeting someone new, but it will also help you to become accustomed to socialising and doing things that feel unfamiliar.

  1. Show yourself, and others, empathy听

鈥淚f someone is being judgmental and unkind to you about your choices about finding love again, try to offer them tolerance and understanding. It is one of the strange ironies of bereavement that those most effected often end up helping other people to manage their feelings as well having to manage their own,鈥� shares Sara.

  1. You don't need to tell everybody everything

If you do find yourself in a new relationship Sara says it鈥檚 important to maintain privacy and see how things go before announcing your new status to the world. 鈥淚t is useful to remember that your timescale for change is likely to be different from anyone else's,鈥� she says.听

  1. Find someone who will honour your former partner

Grieving people are sometimes frightened that if they see someone "moving on", the deceased person will be forgotten. 鈥淥ffer reassurance to friends, family and children that you will never forget the person you lost,鈥� says Sara. She also suggests that sometimes sharing the ways in which you remember that person also can be very comforting. For example, "whenever I hear that song I think of him.鈥�

Dee agrees and says it鈥檚 important to ensure you find someone who will not dismiss your deceased partner. 鈥淔ind someone who wants to know about them, acknowledge them and honour them,鈥� shares Dee.

  1. Don鈥檛 compare

Dee also says it鈥檚 unfair to your new dating partner to make comparisons - and may be a sign that perhaps you are not as ready as you thought you were. 鈥淔inding a new love after loss should be about exactly that - finding new love, not a replacement,鈥� says Dee.

  1. Talk about your loss

Dee, and all of our therapists, agree that talking through your honest turmoil of emotions can help you come to terms with what you need. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e feeling raw, remember that this will change - so don鈥檛 pressure yourself to have to make and heavy permanent decisions if you don鈥檛 feel ready.鈥� If you feel it would help talking to a trained and registered grief counsellor, visit 麻豆原创鈥檚 therapists directory.

Is there ever a right time to find love again?

Lulu says there is never a 鈥渞ight鈥� time to move on, but you will know when it鈥檚 right because you will feel it. 鈥淵ou will wake up one day and the load will be just that little bit lighter. You will notice things that have been a blur all through your grieving process and you will begin to get perhaps a momentary sense of delight or pleasure from what is around you. You are likely to continue to feel sad for some time to come, but it will not be as deep as it once was.鈥�

Susie agrees and says: 鈥淭he best thing about making a decision is that if we don鈥檛 like the consequences, we can always make another one. After all, life is an experiment. There is no right and wrong.听 No failure. Just learning. I always say to my clients that the best decisions we make are the ones that we make for ourselves.鈥�

To find a registered therapist who can support you visit our therapist directory.听